Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
