Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
