we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize