Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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