Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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