I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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