Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
