its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
