Got a toothbrush?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
