Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
