First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
