He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
