She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
