Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
