Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
