I just made out with a guy for $7.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
