I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
