Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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