OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
