She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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