Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize