i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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