im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
