hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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