Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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