I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
