that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
