THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
