Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
