Non-Jews are for practice
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
