oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
