Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
