Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
