HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
