North Korea, Best Korea!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
