As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A+ Viking dick
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