you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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