I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
