I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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