Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Sober January is a disaster.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
