You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
