margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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