I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize