you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
