Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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