I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
