I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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