Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Where is the hickey?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
