How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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