OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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