I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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