Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
