does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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