You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
