omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
