Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
