I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
