do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize