sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
