omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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