my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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