I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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