The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
